There were quite a few powerlifting posts in my Instagram feed this weekend. And I noticed that it was not the biggest lifts that were the most amazing.... but it was the ones that were a surprise. Not the monster (affectionately!) who squatted well over 700#, but rather the lifter who looked like a 'regular dude' (or dudette) and still pulled, or pushed a relatively big number. That 'wow, I didn't expect that' moment is pretty sweet. I again realize we are so, so much more than what you can see.
I know that for some people, seeing the biggest dudes do the crazy lifts is the only thing that charges them up. But for me, I like the element of surprise.....
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That was last night. Black = what was going on in my head. Red = why this is so different than me 2 years ago....
And I did go to the grocery store, and I did buy fruit. I am getting the hang of this! That's me. Talking to my weight. I have put on a few (ahem) pounds. Nothing major; but since I am still wanting to lose a few pounds (10 to go), ... and because I know I have been less than disciplined, ... it's kinda important to call myself on it.
So ... here I go.... now talking to myself: It's not sneaking up on you. It's not quiet. It's not even an IT. It's YOU, and choices YOU make. And I applaud you for having some compassion and enjoying that pizza. And that wine. And The Keg table bread and butter (all of it). And the midway at the CNE. But don't let that be the new habit. Compassion... and Control. In balance. Not one or the other. I restarted the clock on MyFitnessPal today: and will track from here, fresh. No baggage for the better or the worse. Now, I'll go eat some blueberries! Who says struggle is to be sympathized with? Certainly not Seth Godin. This one really resonated with me.
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2016/08/the-lottery-winners-a-secret-of-unhappiness.html I really do feel fortunate about the struggle in the gym. It's not crazy or anything (I have seen some others suffering @ the gym..., but I am not nearly so hard-core). Nevertheless, unlike some other things in my life, it does not come easy. It is a struggle. I have mentioned it to a number of people as a peculiarity that somehow this was was part of it's joy. But I didn't have better words for it, until now. Thanks, Seth. Today a lady and I exchanged the usual casual hellos at the gym as we passed in the changeroom. "Morning" she said. "Have a good day". I responded in kind, to which she replied: "For sure. The worst part of my day is now over (pointing to the gym floor), so it's all good."
The rest is a brain ramble, pretty much just like it actually happened:
THERE IS NO WORST PART OF MY DAY!?!?! How amazing is that? OK, not exactly part of my fitness journey, but I really liked Seth Godin this morning. And the truth is, I have way less "iffing" now that I have training. Too busy doing things and improving to worry about what ifs. Well, not entirely, but certainly LESS.
At the outset of the year, I decided that I wanted to improve, but resolutions were not exactly for me. But I did want to think about what was IMPORTANT for me, and keep those at the forefront whenever possible. My list:
And they were about balance. Controlling food but not being compassionate to myself, for example, would not be a 'win'. Anyway, I was being a bit scared about the upcoming meet, and one of the Mavens referred to something that reminded me to check my list. My fear is allowed a voice: she is trying to protect me. So I should have compassion for myself, and not be embarrassed that I am afraid. But it won't decide. Yesterday we tested bench and squats. A difficult 105# and a failed 135#. I can't get depth. Anyway, the real point is that while I can't be happy about the outcome....I was happy. Just... Happy. Endorphins. Knowing I did something for me. Whatever. But the result was not just because of the result (if you follow).
Anyway, then we went to move my mom into the retirement home. The results, at least to our target, were good. She's set up. And yet we had a really horrible day. Feeling all of the feels ... And they all seem illogical. But they aren't. My "why" for the retirement home set up is the desire to see my mom happy and safe. And while we did the tasks, the "why" is open. Safe, but not happy. It will come, tho. My "why" for lifting is not just to lift heavy shit. That's the task equivalent. The "why" is to challenge myself, push my boundaries, learn more about how I work , invest in my well-being and to demand progress of myself. So you can't judge success by checking off the tasks. And if you try, you'll may be left thinking that you should feel differently than you do .....to have accomplished what you planned but remain unsatisfied. And that would be the saddest success of all. |
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