Some smart ladies have been telling me the same thing lately:  it's coming from multiple places,.... that it's not events that make up your story, but rather it's the narrative that you make of those events.  And that is the story of YOU... that makes you who you are.

It's a powerful notion.  And I have been practicing.  Jessica recently said when we were having our ritual Pho...."It's interesting that you would frame your story that way".... and it was a punch in the gut. She was right. I was undermining an accomplishment by the way I framed it.  It took some thinking to figure out why I would do that, but the greater win for me was that now when I tell a story, at least sometimes, I hear Jessica's voice.... "interesting way to frame it",   and then I consider whether the story I write serves me.  And while being TRUE is the most important, there are ways to be truthful that still lack honour.   Everyone has blurted out something ... out of a feeling, perhaps.  And for that millisecond it was true, but.... it was not really TRUE.   But you've said it... it can't be unsaid.  I am practicing writing my story in consideration of this reality.  Practicing that requires that I check my initial story to make sure that I am honouring the deeper truth.   The text message with Jerimiah, above, is an early example of my new practice. 

My life.  My story.  My choice.

I know this is a fitness diary/blog... but in my defense, I refer to the picture.     I wrote that in a little notebook given to me by Killian.    Another place for thoughts;  and this was the very first thought I wrote.  "Fit for what?" 

I went on to write a number of things I wanted to be "fit for".    And looking at them... they aren't about lifting, or the gym; they are about LIFE.  The word enthusiasm came up alot. 

And I really feel great, and the Mavens are a part of that LIFE, of that enthusiasm. 

So cheers to the Mavens;  Debbie, Jessica and Natalie.  Thank you for your contributions to my life, my health, my happiness. 

Was at a conference this week.   It was a beautiful venue and really also put me into the Christmas spirit. 

There was a bit of over indulgence, ... I will spare you the details, but I have had my fill of sushi for a while.  A long while.  Like... forever.   And also, not enough sleep.  So too much of one thing, and not enough of another.  Just for the record, it does NOT balance out (plus/minus). 

But I still felt pretty good in the gym today.   We didn't do anything overly difficult, but it was not super light either (a single 150# squat followed by some doubles @ 140# , as well as some paused benching at 95# and 100#).

I have a vacation day tomorrow, so can take a little extra rest in the AM (sleep in til 7 AM!), and don't train until 11 AM.   It's Deadlifts, so will be a bit tiring, and I am out with the Mavens tomorrow night, but at least I won't start at a deficit.  And there's always the weekend for a little nap.  :)

I'm no social scientist. So if you want to read about Maslow's hierarchy of needs  try Wikipedia.   But there was an interesting reference to it in a book I am reading for work.    I'll spare the back reference (but the book is called "Beyond Engagement" - Brady G. Wilson, if you are interested...)... but it quotes someone who ran the Boston Marathon as saying;

"After I ran the Boston Marathon, I had no motivation whatsoever.   My diet and my training schedule went to pot.  I need to set another goal for myself before I fall apart."

Oh, Snap.    

....And I do kinda remember that feeling after the London meet in July.     I have continued training, but I know for sure that it's a slightly different feeling than training towards prep for a meet.    Which is OK.  I think actually that may be one of the things that makes Powerlifting the sport for me.  There is ALWAYS a goal.  Because it's not a specific event at which you measure your progress....  well, of course it IS, if you go to a meet,  but also... it's not.   Every few months you cycle through the program and BOOM!  PR baby!     

I found my magic.   My girlfriends is yoga.  I can imagine that it might be much the same.     

My goal tomorrow: Just one squat at a time.  Just one more.  My goal for January - test and new PRs for all 3 (Squat, Benchpress and Deadlift).     And then we'll set them again, AND schedule a meet!

I know it's called a "Meet" because people... well, they MEET.  But I am going to think of it as just the place you meet your goals.   

I was talking to the Mavens last week about long term goals with powerlifting.    And I told them what I am about to tell you.   I want to qualify for nationals in 2021.   It's a long way away, I know.  But I will be in the next age group up, and I figure I can improve at least for 2 more years... (I don't really improve in any great leaps, but I think it's reasonable to make some small gains for at least that long).  and then even maintaining, for the year I would be Master Level II, the standards should be do-able. 

I think it would be an amazing experience, and if I can't do it by then, well, it's unlikely I'd ever be able to do it.  So I am setting the bar (pun intended) for a meet around my 50th birthday with PR #s.

Now I just have to do the work, which I enjoy anyway!

It took a lot longer than I expected.   I joined the gym nearly 2 years ago...and still have a way to go to "fit".    I have come a long way, though, and looking at the transformation, it still seems like a big accomplishment.   There has never been anything fast or easy about it... Just steady, incremental progress.   
When I think about how many choices I had to make the last two years that added up to this.... The good and the bad.... It's a wonder I made it.  I couldn't of done it without encouragement of an amazing PT who helped me the movements,  manage the progress, and probably most importantly… Have fun (or something close to it ) while doing it.   
The mavens encouraged me too.  I'm lucky to have such good girlfriends.  

And Garth has been amazing.  He's been a cheerleader,  but has also helped managing food, encouraging me to prioritize the gym... And listened to me go on and on about powerlifting.  
But the truth is and I say this without an ounce of either shame or pride.... Mostly this was ME. Of course of course I couldn't have done it without the support mentioned above ...for sure.  But I did the work.  I made those choices.  
Ok; so I take it back.  I AM PROUD. Blessed and proud.

At the outset of the year, I decided that I wanted to improve, but resolutions were not exactly for me.  But I did want to think about what was IMPORTANT for me, and keep those at the forefront whenever possible. My list:

• Fit
• Control
• Compassion
• Strength
• Wisdom
• Honour

They aren't fully formed resolutions: Just things that were important to consider. 
And they were about balance. Controlling food but not being compassionate to myself, for example, would not be a 'win'.
Anyway, I was being a bit scared about the upcoming meet, and one of the Mavens referred to something that reminded me to check my list.   My fear is allowed a voice: she is trying to protect me. So I should have compassion for myself, and not be embarrassed that I am afraid.  But it won't decide.

I went to a HighTea yesterday (for clarity, this was not a bunch of people with weed and some chamomile) for a friends Wedding Shower. I wore a suitable dress that I just got relatively recently. Which, when I got it, was pretty a pretty tight fit and very stiff fabric (smile, but don't breathe, if you know what I mean). A little lady-like number that would not look out of place at a tea party. So, I wore it. And it didn't fit. Actually, there was ALOT of room. Which is weird cause I didn't think I had lost THAT much weight in the last few months.
As it happens, it's 8# (so a bit more than I thought) in the last few months. Still not enough to have made the amount of room I had in this dress (ps; I do miss my tits, just a little bit)... so it's apparent that indeed you can change your shape without changing your weight. So while you can't believe everything you read, I guess you can believe that.