It's almost here!  I knew after last years meet that I'd do it again.  And I narrowed it down to a few events in November, and have been prepping for the Apex Summer Showdown since January. And now it's less than 2 weeks out, and I am getting the prep emails and reminders.....  it's HERE! 
I will have a buddy going to her first meet (Daphne) , which makes it a little more exciting.  I'm hardly an old-hand, but having a bit of experience makes me feel like I have something to offer her as she goes on this adventure. It's such a great community, and I have received so much encouragement from it: it's nice to be able to support someone else who's taking it for a spin.
I have (mostly) gotten over the stress of not competing in the same weight class as last year.  Maybe a tiny bit sheepish, but nothing that will hold me back from giving it my all, and putting some good numbers forward. .... on which to build my next year worth of progress.

I have quoted Seth Godin (his blog, more specifically) hundreds of times, but none more than this:

I've probably already referenced it in my blog.  Sometimes, I am quoting it to try to encourage others to MOVE ALREADY!  And sometimes, I have to speak it inwardly to do the same.

This time it's a bit different... it's the convergence of two things. 

ONE is this.  Last year I set some goals, and posted them here.      

Suffice it to say... it's the end of Q1 soon, and I didn't get there.    But I did get a lot closer, and while I have this lingering disappointment, I can also remember when setting these targets that they were do-able, but very hard.  And yet here I sit, pretty darn close to being able to pull off the squat and bench numbers. 

TWO:  is this:

I registered for my next meet.

So I haven't reached my goals for Q1, but I registered for a meet anyway.

WHAT GIVES?!

Well, frankly... I'm perfect. Perfectly ready. Perfect enough.  Not enough to win. Not enough to qualify for anything.  But that's not why I went last time, and I LOVED IT. 

And while there is a little part of me that cries at the thought of being at the bottom, I'm not going to let that stop me from taking hold of the experience.     And if I won't let anyone else steal the joy and magic of this discipline from me, I certainly won't do it to myself.

Therefore, no matter what my numbers are; I am perfectly ready.   

I watched a new buddy hit PRs at the gym today. Well, I watched the video. Nowadays I think that's nearly the same, right?

Anyway, it's pretty amazing. It's a bunch of stuff. It's all of the work and commitment it takes to get the groove. It's the headspace you have to find to even try those big numbers....

And yet despite the obstacles ....the numbers are there for the record. Not an opinion, or a "like" or a pat on the back. Which I am sure will also be offered in spades. But something even better. Even if there weren't the video evidence, this moment is another reminder....proof, even, the body is an amazing machine and it can accomplish magic when given a chance.

As I mentioned in the last post, we're into more volume. Not what most would call high reps (10) but definitely not what I do most of the time. I really noticed the fatigue when training by myself today. While I felt good going in, my performance was not so hot.

Anyway....We do it again this week. And "We'll try for 12 if we can. But it's ok if we can't." ~Jerimiah

And after, I was thinking...how do I know if I can or can't? With the high intensity stuff, it's easy enough to tell. Oversimplifying, but either the weight is going to move, or it's not. But squatting for 10 this past week never felt like I could not drive the weight up. Legs and glutes etc were a-ok. But at the top, getting ready for the next rep was ....I am looking for a word only slightly less emphatic than "excruciating". My heart was pounding, and I wanted to heave out my lungs. And my breakfast.

And then I figured if I have to ask that question (should I go for 2 more, or not), then I guess I should. After all, I know how to bail, and what that feels like, so it'll all be ok.

I texted my little self-talk to Jerimiah.... ( I'm sure he loves that...) and ended with what chrystalized for me only as I typed it.

"Seems like now our sessions are a lot more work and a lot less fear."

And that idea has stuck with me all weekend. I have less fear because of the work we have done. A trust in him, in the process, but most of all in myself. I am going to be ok. I can handle this. And I can only work this hard because I've left fear behind. Well, at least a lot if it. And I did have a lot. :).

It's a virtuous cycle.... I can feel it. And I built it.

Tomorrow is the first day back at work in 2017... all of the festivities and extra free time over. Back to routine.

I almost hesitate to use that word. Routine sounds so ...routine. Hum-drum. In a rut. Same-old. It just sounds so unintentional.

And I don't think of it that way at all. As I prep lunch, planned for work and the gym, it's all very intentional. I'm not just going along with the flow, but taking charge of what I do with deliberate action towards concrete goals.

So yeah, back to routine. But don't get the impression I am just floating about with no special reason. See what Google tells me above/left? Let's call this one a noun.

So-so feels at the gym today. I thought we were testing, but we are still working up. Kept missing on depth on the squats. Despite being heavy, it felt good. Just not deep enough.

And failed out at bench. But it was at 115# so I suppose as we get closer to the top, I'm more likely to crap out. I'll try to remember how I felt HERE, and that this is my week of putting it all out it there.

6:30 AM seems to come SO early.    I am sure I don't have full energy on the Monday and Wednesday training sessions at this time.   And then I feel extreme pressure to get to work and get cracking (as it's tight to even make to the office by 8:30 those days... so rather late...).     

And yet, I end up with such a GREAT DAY after.  I think it's a mix of physical (endorphines, etc) and mental (something I love, something for ME)... and totally amazing to have a day full of momentum.

I sound like a fanatic.   

In July I had my first Powerlifting meet: and had a 90Kg Deadlift, which was by far a personal best.  198#, plus a bit.  And since then, I've been sticking with the programming, and have not been up to even 185# (my previous gym PR) until just a few weeks ago.    It felt good to hit that 185#, but it was not exactly *new*. 

Today I pulled 200#.   And I am thrilled about it.  Its only marginally more than my previous best, and that took 5 months to gain.  And I am not known for my patience.  There is just something magic about this sport.

I have my whole life to create progress.  Bees make only 45 grams (based on my calculations and some wiki-work) in their life.      A lifes work, and it's over in a slice of bread.  But they make alot of other things too, while they make that honey.   Honey is just the most apparent evidence: The in-your-face proof. 

 1.6# is my 45bee-grams.  And I'll take every sweet drop. 

I pulled a belt out of the drawer today because it's cold... and I am back into pants.   And lo and behold - look at the number of holes I have shrunk!  I guess I need a new belt! 

I'm no social scientist. So if you want to read about Maslow's hierarchy of needs  try Wikipedia.   But there was an interesting reference to it in a book I am reading for work.    I'll spare the back reference (but the book is called "Beyond Engagement" - Brady G. Wilson, if you are interested...)... but it quotes someone who ran the Boston Marathon as saying;

"After I ran the Boston Marathon, I had no motivation whatsoever.   My diet and my training schedule went to pot.  I need to set another goal for myself before I fall apart."

Oh, Snap.    

....And I do kinda remember that feeling after the London meet in July.     I have continued training, but I know for sure that it's a slightly different feeling than training towards prep for a meet.    Which is OK.  I think actually that may be one of the things that makes Powerlifting the sport for me.  There is ALWAYS a goal.  Because it's not a specific event at which you measure your progress....  well, of course it IS, if you go to a meet,  but also... it's not.   Every few months you cycle through the program and BOOM!  PR baby!     

I found my magic.   My girlfriends is yoga.  I can imagine that it might be much the same.     

My goal tomorrow: Just one squat at a time.  Just one more.  My goal for January - test and new PRs for all 3 (Squat, Benchpress and Deadlift).     And then we'll set them again, AND schedule a meet!

I know it's called a "Meet" because people... well, they MEET.  But I am going to think of it as just the place you meet your goals.