Here are my results (in kilograms).  I am super proud, super tired and super sore.  

#Squat-  opened with last year's best for a result of 70, 75, 77.5
⚪️⚪️🔴
#Bench- last year's meet best was 47.5. Today -  50, 55, 57.5
⚪️⚪️🔴
#Deadlift - last year's meet best was 90. Today 95, 100, 105
🔴⚪️⚪️

I will have more to say later, but for now, it's enough. It's plenty. 

It's almost here!  I knew after last years meet that I'd do it again.  And I narrowed it down to a few events in November, and have been prepping for the Apex Summer Showdown since January. And now it's less than 2 weeks out, and I am getting the prep emails and reminders.....  it's HERE! 
I will have a buddy going to her first meet (Daphne) , which makes it a little more exciting.  I'm hardly an old-hand, but having a bit of experience makes me feel like I have something to offer her as she goes on this adventure. It's such a great community, and I have received so much encouragement from it: it's nice to be able to support someone else who's taking it for a spin.
I have (mostly) gotten over the stress of not competing in the same weight class as last year.  Maybe a tiny bit sheepish, but nothing that will hold me back from giving it my all, and putting some good numbers forward. .... on which to build my next year worth of progress.

I watched a new buddy hit PRs at the gym today. Well, I watched the video. Nowadays I think that's nearly the same, right?

Anyway, it's pretty amazing. It's a bunch of stuff. It's all of the work and commitment it takes to get the groove. It's the headspace you have to find to even try those big numbers....

And yet despite the obstacles ....the numbers are there for the record. Not an opinion, or a "like" or a pat on the back. Which I am sure will also be offered in spades. But something even better. Even if there weren't the video evidence, this moment is another reminder....proof, even, the body is an amazing machine and it can accomplish magic when given a chance.

As I mentioned in the last post, we're into more volume. Not what most would call high reps (10) but definitely not what I do most of the time. I really noticed the fatigue when training by myself today. While I felt good going in, my performance was not so hot.

Anyway....We do it again this week. And "We'll try for 12 if we can. But it's ok if we can't." ~Jerimiah

And after, I was thinking...how do I know if I can or can't? With the high intensity stuff, it's easy enough to tell. Oversimplifying, but either the weight is going to move, or it's not. But squatting for 10 this past week never felt like I could not drive the weight up. Legs and glutes etc were a-ok. But at the top, getting ready for the next rep was ....I am looking for a word only slightly less emphatic than "excruciating". My heart was pounding, and I wanted to heave out my lungs. And my breakfast.

And then I figured if I have to ask that question (should I go for 2 more, or not), then I guess I should. After all, I know how to bail, and what that feels like, so it'll all be ok.

I texted my little self-talk to Jerimiah.... ( I'm sure he loves that...) and ended with what chrystalized for me only as I typed it.

"Seems like now our sessions are a lot more work and a lot less fear."

And that idea has stuck with me all weekend. I have less fear because of the work we have done. A trust in him, in the process, but most of all in myself. I am going to be ok. I can handle this. And I can only work this hard because I've left fear behind. Well, at least a lot if it. And I did have a lot. :).

It's a virtuous cycle.... I can feel it. And I built it.

It took a lot longer than I expected.   I joined the gym nearly 2 years ago...and still have a way to go to "fit".    I have come a long way, though, and looking at the transformation, it still seems like a big accomplishment.   There has never been anything fast or easy about it... Just steady, incremental progress.   
When I think about how many choices I had to make the last two years that added up to this.... The good and the bad.... It's a wonder I made it.  I couldn't of done it without encouragement of an amazing PT who helped me the movements,  manage the progress, and probably most importantly… Have fun (or something close to it ) while doing it.   
The mavens encouraged me too.  I'm lucky to have such good girlfriends.  

And Garth has been amazing.  He's been a cheerleader,  but has also helped managing food, encouraging me to prioritize the gym... And listened to me go on and on about powerlifting.  
But the truth is and I say this without an ounce of either shame or pride.... Mostly this was ME. Of course of course I couldn't have done it without the support mentioned above ...for sure.  But I did the work.  I made those choices.  
Ok; so I take it back.  I AM PROUD. Blessed and proud.

I was in my first powerlifting meet yesterday.   I hesitate to call it a competition; I pulled less weight than anyone.  Well, except the guy that bombed out on his three benchpress attempts and didn't get to finish.
And I finally get the concept of only competing against yourself.  I never understood it when golfers talked about it. And to be fair, I'm pretty sure a number of them (golfers and powerlifters) care a lot more about competing with the other participants than it being only about beating your best. But, I'm really not worried  about the low weight, or my missed third attempt on bench.  In fact, I'm really proud I tried for the 115# BP. I've never been able to do it in the gym before with the pause, & I was feeling really good.  And maybe I could have gotten it if I was just a bit slower.   But I actually tried something that had a goodly chance of failure ..... In front of a bunch of people.

Because nobody wanted me to miss.    It wasn't a competition at that moment; not against each other anyway.  Just me and the bar.  And everyone got it.
And now I have numbers.   A very clear place from which to improve.      To measure progress.  I was impressed by a lot of people yesterday.  But I don't remember their numbers.  Just their resolve.
Me.  The bar.  It's so simple that it's hard to understand how I didn't get it before.  But I do now.  And that's progress too....

I don't know how that warrants a full post, but it does.   I have been like "I feel great.  I love gym on Friday. Wow, I feel pumped. blah blah blah ." So.... either I am having a bit of a moment.... or there's something to this Friday thing. It's happened before, so I am going with the latter.

One of the nice things about training with Jerimiah has been the focus on form/strength.  'Cause while I did join the gym to get actually FIT and not just LOOK fit, it would be easy to consider the aesthetic only.  And it's way more fun to focus on gains.  So imperial.  So simple.  So objective.  No judgement.  Either IS, or ISN'T.  It's a beautiful thing.

Nevertheless.... allow me a little bit of pride here:  I have quads!  little baby muscles!

I went to my first power lifting meet today. It was amazing. I cheered for strangers. I did virtual deadlifts with my butt and quads everytime someone had to really grind it out.

Super impressed with Yordanos - pulled ridiculous big numbers, and kept going back for more.

What was the most compelling thing, tho, were the fails. In a number of those cases, someone did a lift, but despite an obvious determination, couldn't do the next one. Now of course people have limits at any given time. I knew that; that is not the compelling thing. But the hit-and-then-miss today was often evidence that someone had actually hit their limit; and didn't leave a single ounce undelivered. I just don't think that you get to see that a lot in life today. And it's INSPIRING.