Here are my results (in kilograms).  I am super proud, super tired and super sore.  

#Squat-  opened with last year's best for a result of 70, 75, 77.5
⚪️⚪️🔴
#Bench- last year's meet best was 47.5. Today -  50, 55, 57.5
⚪️⚪️🔴
#Deadlift - last year's meet best was 90. Today 95, 100, 105
🔴⚪️⚪️

I will have more to say later, but for now, it's enough. It's plenty. 

I watched a new buddy hit PRs at the gym today. Well, I watched the video. Nowadays I think that's nearly the same, right?

Anyway, it's pretty amazing. It's a bunch of stuff. It's all of the work and commitment it takes to get the groove. It's the headspace you have to find to even try those big numbers....

And yet despite the obstacles ....the numbers are there for the record. Not an opinion, or a "like" or a pat on the back. Which I am sure will also be offered in spades. But something even better. Even if there weren't the video evidence, this moment is another reminder....proof, even, the body is an amazing machine and it can accomplish magic when given a chance.

In July I had my first Powerlifting meet: and had a 90Kg Deadlift, which was by far a personal best.  198#, plus a bit.  And since then, I've been sticking with the programming, and have not been up to even 185# (my previous gym PR) until just a few weeks ago.    It felt good to hit that 185#, but it was not exactly *new*. 

Today I pulled 200#.   And I am thrilled about it.  Its only marginally more than my previous best, and that took 5 months to gain.  And I am not known for my patience.  There is just something magic about this sport.

I have my whole life to create progress.  Bees make only 45 grams (based on my calculations and some wiki-work) in their life.      A lifes work, and it's over in a slice of bread.  But they make alot of other things too, while they make that honey.   Honey is just the most apparent evidence: The in-your-face proof. 

 1.6# is my 45bee-grams.  And I'll take every sweet drop. 

I pulled a belt out of the drawer today because it's cold... and I am back into pants.   And lo and behold - look at the number of holes I have shrunk!  I guess I need a new belt! 

That was last night.  Black = what was going on in my head.  Red = why this is so different than me 2 years ago....

And I did go to the grocery store, and I did buy fruit.   I am getting the hang of this!

Yesterday we tested bench and squats.  A difficult 105# and a failed 135#.   I can't get depth.  Anyway, the real point is that while I can't be happy about the outcome....I was happy.  Just... Happy.  Endorphins. Knowing I did something for me.  Whatever.  But the result was not just because of the result (if you follow).

Anyway, then we went to move my mom into the retirement home.  The results, at least to our target, were good.  She's set up.  And yet we had a really horrible day.

Feeling all of the feels ... And they all seem illogical.    But they aren't.  My "why" for the retirement home set up is the desire to see my mom happy and safe.  And while we did the tasks, the "why" is open.  Safe, but not happy.  It will come, tho.
My "why" for lifting is not just to lift heavy shit.  That's the task equivalent.  The "why" is to challenge myself, push my boundaries, learn more about how I work , invest in my well-being and to demand progress of myself.

So you can't judge success by checking off the tasks.   And if you try, you'll may be left thinking that you should feel differently than you do .....to have accomplished what you planned but remain unsatisfied.  And that would be the saddest success of all.