Lifting heavy...

Yesterday we tested bench and squats.  A difficult 105# and a failed 135#.   I can't get depth.  Anyway, the real point is that while I can't be happy about the outcome....I was happy.  Just... Happy.  Endorphins. Knowing I did something for me.  Whatever.  But the result was not just because of the result (if you follow).

Anyway, then we went to move my mom into the retirement home.  The results, at least to our target, were good.  She's set up.  And yet we had a really horrible day.

Feeling all of the feels ... And they all seem illogical.    But they aren't.  My "why" for the retirement home set up is the desire to see my mom happy and safe.  And while we did the tasks, the "why" is open.  Safe, but not happy.  It will come, tho.
My "why" for lifting is not just to lift heavy shit.  That's the task equivalent.  The "why" is to challenge myself, push my boundaries, learn more about how I work , invest in my well-being and to demand progress of myself.

So you can't judge success by checking off the tasks.   And if you try, you'll may be left thinking that you should feel differently than you do .....to have accomplished what you planned but remain unsatisfied.  And that would be the saddest success of all.