Some smart ladies have been telling me the same thing lately:  it's coming from multiple places,.... that it's not events that make up your story, but rather it's the narrative that you make of those events.  And that is the story of YOU... that makes you who you are.

It's a powerful notion.  And I have been practicing.  Jessica recently said when we were having our ritual Pho...."It's interesting that you would frame your story that way".... and it was a punch in the gut. She was right. I was undermining an accomplishment by the way I framed it.  It took some thinking to figure out why I would do that, but the greater win for me was that now when I tell a story, at least sometimes, I hear Jessica's voice.... "interesting way to frame it",   and then I consider whether the story I write serves me.  And while being TRUE is the most important, there are ways to be truthful that still lack honour.   Everyone has blurted out something ... out of a feeling, perhaps.  And for that millisecond it was true, but.... it was not really TRUE.   But you've said it... it can't be unsaid.  I am practicing writing my story in consideration of this reality.  Practicing that requires that I check my initial story to make sure that I am honouring the deeper truth.   The text message with Jerimiah, above, is an early example of my new practice. 

My life.  My story.  My choice.

I had a Personal Trainer for over a year.   And then I had a coach.  It was an easy transition because it’s the same guy.   Let’s call him Jerimiah…  (Because that’s his name….)
 
In March 2016 , spurred on by a growing love of powerlifting and Jerimiahs recent place (the TOP) at Nationals…. I decided to participate in a summer Powerlifting meet.   The London Open, to be specific.   Initially, I only asked him to help get me ready.    But when I eventually (reluctantly) asked if he’d be there to support me, he was surprised I had considered that there’d be any other option.  And at that moment, it started feeling just a bit different.  

In the past, when he said “we”, I often laughed.  “We can do this”, he’d say.  And I’d think “We? I don’t see you picking up the other end of the barbell!  Is that some training-speak to encourage me?”   But not long after we started prepping for the meet;   it really felt like WE!    And now, the value I put into this relationship is kind of shocking.  Personally, in some ways he remains nearly a stranger.    But I trust him with a lot.   I rely on his guidance, support and feedback.    So how did it become “we”, exactly?  Well, here is what I see now:

• We both have accountability to be present.  Not just at 6:30 AM physically, but working with intent, purposefully
• We talk … to help sorting out how I feel when things aren’t working… Fear about getting hurt, looking bad, feeling weak
• He works to modify what we do  both to  accommodate when I struggle, or push a little extra when I’m on a tear
• He gives me cues that he knows trigger the kind of effort I need to succeed
• We celebrate successes. Granted, his ‘stoked’ is a little more chill than mine…
• We plan. We talk about the plan.  We look back at how we did compared to plan…
• He’s available.   Granted, not 24/7, but for a little dropped line, or question, or joke
• WE…. really are WE.  At least when it comes to this little venture, we are in it together

 
So has his approach changed?  Actually, I have to sheepishly admit that it probably hasn’t.  Those things actually didn’t start when I committed to the meet: they were there before.  It was my perspective that changed.   Yes, I did specifically ask for him to ‘have my back’ and got his commitment.   But the only real change in approach was mine.   So I had a coach all along, but didn’t know it.  My bad.
 
And now I look around at people giving me feedback in my personal life or at work, and think: Maybe they are my coaches too?   The push to own something.  Or the encouragement to give it up.  The dialogue to help me sort out how I feel, and what’s on my mind.   Suggestions to consider modifying my approach.  A pat on the back for a little win...... Sound familiar?  It’s the SAME things I listed above that I value in my relationship with Jerimiah.    I don’t always take the feedback from others as easily as I do with Jerimiah.   Maybe its because it does not feel like “personal coaching” because of their approach.  But maybe it’s also because of my perspective.  And that, I can change.

Icon made http://www.flaticon.com/authors/nikita-golubev

I've been a bit frustrated this week with my weight.   Here is the ramble of stuff in my brain.

So....why is my weight relevant?      Because -I made it so.  And here's how. 

I don't think about weight so much anymore.  A scan of this blog shows one of the truths of my heart.  I love this sport.  

But when sharing with most people ....it's often a story about how much weight I have lost.  Everyone gets that.  They can see it.   And the rest of the journey....while so much more valuable to me .... hasn't made it into my vocabulary beyond the closest friends and this blog.   It seemed personal ...a bit un-graspable.... irrelevant to others.   
 
And the competition added the weight-on-the-scale to my radar.   And it became my focus.   And that little continuous ping reinforced the weight story.   And if that's the story...the real story , then NOT losing weight when I head to a meet where I made it some sort of brass ring...well then that's failure, isn't it?
 
But neither story (despite the fact that I wrote them) ...is autobiographical.   Unless I MAKE THEM the story.  And I actually do get to choose.  
 
So I write this blog to sort out my head and my heart.  And I'm going to start telling people that the weight loss is nifty but that if veils and deeper and more relevant truth.  And I am going to eat healthy, and compete at whatever weight I am at when I get there.  And I'll lift more than I did a year ago. 

And I'll have another story that's true, that I wrote and that I chose.