I'm no social scientist. So if you want to read about Maslow's hierarchy of needs try Wikipedia. But there was an interesting reference to it in a book I am reading for work. I'll spare the back reference (but the book is called "Beyond Engagement" - Brady G. Wilson, if you are interested...)... but it quotes someone who ran the Boston Marathon as saying;
"After I ran the Boston Marathon, I had no motivation whatsoever. My diet and my training schedule went to pot. I need to set another goal for myself before I fall apart." Oh, Snap. ....And I do kinda remember that feeling after the London meet in July. I have continued training, but I know for sure that it's a slightly different feeling than training towards prep for a meet. Which is OK. I think actually that may be one of the things that makes Powerlifting the sport for me. There is ALWAYS a goal. Because it's not a specific event at which you measure your progress.... well, of course it IS, if you go to a meet, but also... it's not. Every few months you cycle through the program and BOOM! PR baby! I found my magic. My girlfriends is yoga. I can imagine that it might be much the same. My goal tomorrow: Just one squat at a time. Just one more. My goal for January - test and new PRs for all 3 (Squat, Benchpress and Deadlift). And then we'll set them again, AND schedule a meet! I know it's called a "Meet" because people... well, they MEET. But I am going to think of it as just the place you meet your goals.
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At 6:30 AM flight doesn't sound so bad. It was only half an hour earlier than the one I was looking for. And now as I set my alarm..: I have the realization that I have to get up at 3:30 AM.
I consider myself a thoughtful person in a literal sense of the word. And yet here I am. I was thinking about the "end"... and nothing seemed unreasonable. I travel all the time it's not like I don't know. It's one of my pet peeve's, yet I succumbed to it myself. I made a promise every intent to deliver. But I hadn't actually calculated the cost to live up to that promise. Now, of course I'm actually going to this promise. I keep my word. And really, it's inconvenient but not impossible. That's not the real concern here. The concern is making commitments in good faith, without considering what it will take. Doesn't really seem like good faith at all when you think about it that way. In this context , "Thoughtful" means thinking. It doesn't mean generous, it doesn't mean kind. When I see it in others it really irks me. So now I am irritated with myself. I have got to remember PAUSE to think. There were quite a few powerlifting posts in my Instagram feed this weekend. And I noticed that it was not the biggest lifts that were the most amazing.... but it was the ones that were a surprise. Not the monster (affectionately!) who squatted well over 700#, but rather the lifter who looked like a 'regular dude' (or dudette) and still pulled, or pushed a relatively big number. That 'wow, I didn't expect that' moment is pretty sweet. I again realize we are so, so much more than what you can see.
I know that for some people, seeing the biggest dudes do the crazy lifts is the only thing that charges them up. But for me, I like the element of surprise..... Yesterday we tested bench and squats. A difficult 105# and a failed 135#. I can't get depth. Anyway, the real point is that while I can't be happy about the outcome....I was happy. Just... Happy. Endorphins. Knowing I did something for me. Whatever. But the result was not just because of the result (if you follow).
Anyway, then we went to move my mom into the retirement home. The results, at least to our target, were good. She's set up. And yet we had a really horrible day. Feeling all of the feels ... And they all seem illogical. But they aren't. My "why" for the retirement home set up is the desire to see my mom happy and safe. And while we did the tasks, the "why" is open. Safe, but not happy. It will come, tho. My "why" for lifting is not just to lift heavy shit. That's the task equivalent. The "why" is to challenge myself, push my boundaries, learn more about how I work , invest in my well-being and to demand progress of myself. So you can't judge success by checking off the tasks. And if you try, you'll may be left thinking that you should feel differently than you do .....to have accomplished what you planned but remain unsatisfied. And that would be the saddest success of all. |
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